Detested Personality.

Yo PPLE!

ZingO Recruitment Drive 2007 has finally come to an end, and there is not more reason for me to run away from revising for the Final Exams. So, Revise Hard, ONg.

only lately, perhaps this evening, i discovered that me, myself, is not up to a certain standard. you ask me, how do i define this standards? i would say read on and try to use your own standard as a bench mark.

apart from the family factor, which scope can be so extensive that i won't be able to go thru every one's family background, there are the all different aspects of life.

let's start with the main reason why i am not happy with myself. can i ask you a every close-ended question, " if you are sitting at a table of pple and i am in your 'conversationable' range, in other words, will you talk to me voluntarily?"

Well, maybe there will be the "hello! Whats up?!" greeting, but what happens next, blanks stares and followed by changing another subject(person) talk to. Well, you get my point right?? I DON'T HAVE THE X-FACTOR for people to continue holding a conversation with me.

this is how it went, on the 24th evening , there was a movie with the usual gang plus the seniors, Da Vin, Ed and Kel. then when we met up and went from watching a movie to pool session, i felt left out in all the talks and fun that Night creates. it begun with the seniors asking where all of us(or rather the others) are studying, CA at UB/SIM, Teck Wee after O levels, Ruo Han in TP, in the seniors' Salvo (felt a prick in the neck when hearing that comment) and finally, belson in Sim Mei ITE.

just to reassure, i am not jealous with Belson and the others !! ok maybe a little.. but for me, the problem lies with myself i think.

the night went by, while walking, while playing pool, i was treated as if i was an stranger while the others were closer to the seniors than me. for example, playing pool with Edmund, we didn't even talk thru the game while tw and ca had a lot to converse about.

on the way back, i was thinking why this happened. then flashbacks came along to rub salt into my 4 inch deep wound. from the past til now, there is always a pattern, of how i interacted with people; having much to talk abt for a brief period and losing close contact forever from then. ponders and ponders, then this easily saturated point situation does not applies to interaction with people only, but also in all the other aspects of my life.

picking up of skill, learn the basics moderately fast enough but then when to learn further and more, it is as if my capacity to learn is at the saturation point.

then leading me to think that, even the usage of myself from others point of view is the same. at first, i am pretty much easy to use for the everyday task, then at the next stage, people slowly find me unable to cope their demands anymore and then push me aside.

so, is there a problem with my intrapersonal?? is there something wrong with my personality that i had not observed?

or had i created a self-fulfilling prophecy situation? have i behaved in such a way to deserve this treatment from others? some people used to sit around me during lectures, i would talk to them before or after the class, but absolutely not during the lecture. then after a few lectures, they will drift away, finding other classmates to chatter during the lecture. then me, being attentive in class, abstaining from talking to them. does this act makes me boring and having an unattractive personality? knowing that this kind of things will happen, i ignore them and try to be myself. there after, i think that they are chatter boxes and if they want to behave this way, it's not my fault, so let them be. but now, looking back, have i behaved in the way that increased the possibility of them associating me with an detested personality?

these questions won't get out of my mind and because one question leads to another, my mind is filled with questions that i constantly ask myself but dun get any answers. it taxes my mind and somehow, drinking Merlot from the bottle makes me fall asleep and push these questions into the sleepyard.

can i get answers from within? knowing that my defense mechanism, esp rationalisation and sublimation, will be able to counter all answers i get externally..

Kinda depressed and repressed.

is it because of this that it hurts to hear Ruo Han say 'ty' always?

but on a side note, all the participants for the ZingO recruitment drive are successfully accepted, that means more chances to play with weiling(muhahahahaha) but the are still work that i have to do, to make this Recruitment more fruitful.

YuJun / ONg LAi

BBQs are just too troublesome, especially without a car. what incentives are there for me to organise the BBQ this year? omg, one more question in my mind, whiskey pls!!

*pukes*

Yo PPle!!

study week has begun.. so slacking at home..

wait a minute, i am not slacking.. have been sorting out the papers for ZingO and editing them.. now, looking at those papers, i feel like puking.. so worn out..

gg to make a few calls to some people and then make some very important calls. well..

time is running out!!

haha

hope tmrw's recruitment will be fruitful, won't be cheap ,and successful.

*pukes*,
YuJun

Holidays!! but work first...

Hello PPle!!

ZingO registration is closed!! thank you all for registering.

meaning that the preparation work is halfway done.. now, focusing on the internal preparation work that is condensed from 2weeks to 5 days.. yea. what great news..

"these few weeks is very busy, got alot of projects and assignment. you can't blame anyone for this"

then better not blame me for the recruitment being a success or failure..remembering that i have my fair share of projects and assignments to do.. it seems that my words lack respect, rather than power(due to the strong opposition to the fallacy which i conjured unknowingly)..

After the Recruitment, it will be the ZingO End-Of-Year Chalet with the current ZingO-ians and the freshies from the ZingO recruitment le!! Yea!!!

hope things can fall into places as i plan and not compressed nor condensed..

and i am experiencing K-box Absence Syndromes (eg, humming/singing a tune not knowingly, downloading the hottest K songs, learning new songs to sing in K-box).. I want go K-box!!!!

but all that will have to wait until 3 weeks later..

Fall Semester is gg to end in 3 weeks time, with the final exams coming to crush me with the recidivist dwelling under the skin.. After that, HOLIDAYS! shouldn't be too happy with the holiday with respect to the results thou..

i dun like online assignments, especially questions involving Business calculus!! flunk the recent test again.. so out of the 20% my final MTH131 grade, i am gg to get 12.5% out of the 20%.. bye bye to A grade and A- grade.

then i have a habit to avoid doing the research paper.. so til now, all the references and citation is wrong, and my second draft is not out yet with the dateline on Tuesday.. haiz. sometime in my life, i will control this recidivism..

ok, off to work.

YuJun/ONg LAi
recidivism, Recruitment, Holidays, Chalet, performances.

LAST 5 days

ATTENTION TO PEOPLE INTERESTED IN JOINING ZINGO

• 5 more days before the recruitment registration closes, act fast if you have not!!
• do take note of the previous post of you are interested to register but dunno how
• for those who are interested, BUT unable to make it on that day due to some very very very very very valid reason for not being able to turn up on that day, pls contact me, let me know, let ZingO judge if your reason is valid and if we are able to have a make up session for you. :]

on a side note, ZingO is getting more excited by the recruitment already!! however, if the responses can be greater, we will get more excited!! with rational thinking, do consider joining us and be part of our team.

Yu Jun

onglai1990@hotmail.com

yujunong@gmail.com

ZingO Recruitment Drive 2007

ATTENTION TO INTERESTED ZINGO-MEMBERS-TO-BE!!!

Well, as you may or may not know, ZingO recruitment drive is on!!!

It will be on the 24th of Nov (Saturday) and will be held at Chung Cheng High School (Yishun). I will let you know of the other details in the reply email.

Some minimum requirements:

(I can't possibly list it all down)

-*at least 14 years of age or secondary 2 of education; which ever is higher*

-interest in ZingO and willing to commit in ZingO
-physically able
-positive attitude and personality
-looks pleasant to the eyes(we are performers after all)

I will need to submit a list of the participants to the principal of CCHY by the 17th of Nov. Interested parties, *pls contact me through email as a form of registration before the 17th with the subject as 'ZingO recruitment 2007' follow by your full name.*

Send it to either of the following emailing addresses will do:

onglai1990@hotmail.com
yujunong@gmail.com

Pls include the following information in the email you will be sending to me:
-Name
-age
-gender
-NRIC number
-School (current/latest)
[Note: please send the email on your own behalf. ]

Hope to see you there!!

Yu Jun
ZingO (Welfare)
(*changes made, do take note)

mind over matter?

Yo PPle.

as you may have noticed, my previous was kind of a lengthy piece which earned some some response from djw and Pui Yee.

addressing pui yee first: thank for the compliment!! will work harder to improve more, yea, i do not have to bear you commemting on my lousy English anymore. and meet up soon for coffee, rmb the big glass jar and 2 cups of coffee.

next, djw.

"djw: ong u seem realli lost .. lol .. every1 will have their own stress .. remember tat .. not onli u .. but everything is in ur mind .. u wan to overcome stress den 1st overcome ur mind .. =)" -- djw

the reasons he is able to understand what i mean were 1) he is having a 1 month holiday from NS due to his ribcage. 2) he came and watched the performance on the 2nd of Nov and 3) he knows about the ZingO recruitment.

adapting the idea from Mark Twain, "it is a mind and matter issue, if you do not mind, it does not matter". in this quote, it refers to the things that affects you. djw was used this idea and referring to the stress that i noted in my previous post.

since i read the tag, i had 2 questions in my mind.

1) if i do not mind, will i still be in ZingO and will i feel satisfied?

ok, really hits and i cannot totally ignore the happenings in my life. so the second question came to mind.

2) at which angle should i try to slant my point of view to achieve the "don't mind yet doesn't matter goal?"

really, thinking over this question makes me rack my brain; i can sit in lectures and block out the lecturer's words and think over this question, i can sit in the bus and miss a stop (just happened this morning) all because of this question. then i still have not been able to answer the question. however, i do know that i want ZingO to grow and i am going to do my best and not let others get in my way. it not stress that makes me feel so discourage but other factors( i think i can handle stress quite well you see)..

aiyaa ,look at the time.

can't blog anymore, will continue next time..

off to do prepare for ZingO recruitment.

bb

Yu Jun

helpless

won't it be great if we can choose when we want ot live in? as in travelling thu time to go back or forth to live your life again or like never before?

if i can do that, i will go back to secondary 2 and repeat that time period again and again. despite the fact that i was an much hatred figure in sec school back then, i still managed to find much fun practicing drums.

life was pretty much simple then. there's no ZingO to worry about, dun have to put in alot of efforts to try to make a change in ZingO but still achieve no results, no essays to write, no ass kissing, no calculus,etc, etc.

life now is stressful. according to the physician Hans Selye, stressed is the nonspecific response of the body to any demand made upon it. (yes, i am being technical, but this is my blog isn't it?)

then i asked my self, am i really stressed with demands?

of course i am!
Demanded by the school to give efforts to do work and study for the exams.
Demanded by the instructors to finish tonnes of work that seem to be due all together.
Demanded by ZingO to trigger improvements, which just seem to be ever so hard to do so.
Demanded by ZingO people to be able to handle internal relations well.
Demanded by my family to be the good boy at home, to do the chores, accompany my grandma, to help out at the shop in the weekends and holidays, to come home early and to be successful.
Demanded by dynamics between logic and desire and constantly telling myself that my life is too preoccupied to be taking care and thinking of another person for ages.
Demanded by the list of demands that just seem to be never ending.

i understand that relations are just like clouds; they form upon fate, and they will have to disperse or cause rain one day or another but why does it seem so hard to keep ourselves light without the burden of unnecessary involvements?

why must we humans always think that we are capable to the extend that we lose control like creating a dam that one day will drown us off?

from Jake, the walking reminder that i have to face NS in my course of studies, "when we get closer to light, the stronger we get to the shadows."

dunno why, Tanya Chua's songs seem to hit me in the heart deeply.

and the theme music for the movie ' lust' broadcasting from YES933 right now.

time flies and amidst time, how do we actually make this time worth living for? worth to remember? through arguments or stagnantation or even recidivism?

then i ask, so you want to improve or recidivate? tell me truthfully or else keep your mouth to yourself.

one observation i made is that people who are the only child in the family, tend to be more selfish and throw tantrums as there were brought up, "king of the family". no wonder we switch to governments rather than kingships.

knowing these little things about people really helps,as in you can predict the responses from people and understanding the rational behind that behaviour which sometimes can rack the brains out, especially to self.

told belson earlier that i just felt lost after reading a mail reply to a lot of people, actually, i felt helpless. to share with you, i fear of being helpless to things happening arond me, helpless as time tick seconds by seconds away and our life and essence in living might be wasted.

i want ZingO members to be with ZingO. i dun want to lose another comrade to others. pls make sure you come back, if you are lost, find your way back.

ONg LAi

helpless to the change in hearts.

Shi xiong's birthday.

YO pple,

taking a breather here while printing my notes of the lectures and papers for the projects..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JAMIE SUSIE THOMAS AND ZINGO FOUNDER, ROCH ONG CHEE HAU!!

what great birthdays they have, HAPPY HALOWEEN! as well..

then just now went to causeway point with shi xiong.there was 7pple (for the dunno how many times) present including the old birthday man.. pssss, teck wee, you are not supposed to know who was there..

it was meant to be our treat and instead, shi xiong paid for the meal again. it totally dampened the birthday spirit. we specially met up to treat him an d this is wat happened?! !@#$%!@#$%^&*

from a birthday celebration, it turned out to be akin to the normal treats he would give us when we spend dinnertime with him.. unless he feels damn blissed/happy/good treating us to dinner, we felt failure in this birthday celebrations. why did things have to turn out this way??

then went home straight after dinner due to the dampened atmosphere.

so depressing to fail in organising an event..

YuJun

ZINGO-IANS! PLS GO READ MY REPLY TO THE ANNOUCEMENT CREATED BY CHUN ANN REGARDING THE ZINGO RECUITEMENT DRIVE! READ CAREFULLY AND THINK DEEP. THANKS.

sometimes love makes you hurt like nothing else in the entire world. This usually comes in the form of loss or rejection. More often than not, loss is a part of loving. Losing the love of someone you care deeply for is sometimes like a glass splinter working its way to your heart. It’s a slow, deep sort of alternating pain and numbness which no one else not in your position, just does not seem to understand. As Neil Gaiman so succinctly wrote in his comic book novel series, "It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain." -- Leong Wan

quick post before i get back to work.. it's past one already.. perhaps i am not gg to sleep at all.

YuJun

status: slacking between the 4.5 hour break

YO pple!

blogging on SX laptop now..

well, it is the midst of the 4.5 hour break.. and kim ROBBED me of my PSP to play.. hence, i am here to kill time..

this two weeks will be project week.. loads of prjects on hand now.. psychological project, macroeconomics article evalution, world history essay, calculus online test 3 and essay 3, definition.. so kinda busy.. shouldn't be slacking now but i am.. haha

so won't be posting much unless such a convenient chance knocks on my brain-step again.

okok.. gg to do my econs le..

but before that, let me remind myself that GREEN TEA FRAPPE IS NOT THE FUEL TO POWER MY BRAIN TO WORK!

YuJun

recessions of my blog & birthday's celebrations.

Yo PPLe!

as you may have noticed, my blog isn 't doing very well for the past week. However, before last week, it was a boom! almost posting daily and this week is kinda of dead.. well, it's normal, i would say it is the ' business cycle'.. thou the period is very short.. lol

anyway, the past week passed by quite fast. the clocks in the school seem to be ticking time away faster in my point of view. too much projects and assignments.. i know this sounds lame ,

but I WILL SURVIVE!

okok, thay was some reassurance for myself.

and sort of motivation.

and talking with jie min while composing this post, this was what we said.

"chunruktur says:
how have u been doing?

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
erm ok ok lor

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
got a damn lot of work on hand now.

chunruktur says:
hahas

chunruktur says:
is like tt de luhs

chunruktur says:
lols

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
then very lazy, tired and not motivated plus no inspiration to study.

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
lol.

chunruktur says:
but cant like tt eh

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
lol

chunruktur says:
we must have a good cert to secure our future

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
it was me telling you that de

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
now it's your turn to consel me seh.

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
haha

chunruktur says:
hahahas

chunruktur says:
fair mah

chunruktur says:
lols

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
wth..

mature thinking affects my looks. "dude, i thought you were 23!" -.- says:
-.-"
ok, jie min.. i will not slack and work hard..

okok, for the past week, i did a very serious mistake.

I FORGOTTEN HIU TUNG'S BIRTHDAY. I was very guilt-ridden.

to make myself feel better, i attended his 'birthday celebrations' with 269(chun ann, vincent, tony, eugene and samuel) with ruo han and i as the extras, on the Friday. we bumbed into 2 other birthday celebrarions btw.

i apprantly overslept and was late along with Vincent. man, he's getting more suave and hot. oops. then because of tony's request, we ate Seoul Garden at Marina Square. We ate lots of chicken meat and cake served by the Seoul Garden staff (they were so nice to sing tony the birthsay song).

meanwhile enjoying the 'old school flashbacks', it was a mental torture as well. it was like everytime there was something being mentioned, i was inevitablely reminded of my past in sceondary sch life.

followed by dinner was a walk on the top of the esplande, which obviously was a great place for couples to hang out. hance, i took my mind off the sec sch issue to participate in the peeking of the couples intimitating acts. lol. it was fun for us but not so for the couples ba.. hahah

after embrassing ourselves enough, we found ourselves at a very schecluded part of town. then more past memories flowed back to my mind to push the night's atmosphere to a new low for me. avoided the continued episode of the "old school flashbacks" then went home by the MRT and i did something i hadn't done for sometime.

pretending to be a smart alex.

haix, won't go into details, but those who know wat i mean, so sorry. feels so stupid whenever i recall that..

anyway, a quote to summarize my night's experience,

"Instead of feeling alone in a group, why not feel myself in my own solitude?"

ONg LAi

sorry feelings

yo pple

today is a fresh week and the end of ngee ann poly student's holiday. one word, HAH.

then got back some of the grades of the mid-term papers.

i got only a B+ overall for my maths grade til now. so sad, it's not even an A.

Haiz, undergoing a mid-tern crisis now.. two words, work harder.

the due to the disappointing grades of MTH131, i went on a binge and then my brain lagged. so this was what happened.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

me: "kim, ice-cream, chocolate, banana and cookie~~ come on, my treat for your birthday gift!!"

Kim(grabs wallet and phone): "ok"

[while walking, i asked her abt some words in Korean. well, to keep me mind off the results.]

[after getting Ice cream]

Kim(stone in front of the auntie] : ".................."

Me: " pay leh, kim, why you so blur?!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was supposed to be my treat. so sorry now. lucky she say she will let me make it up to her.. heng ar..

then talking to Mervin til now. seems like i am gg to eat at the SP.. HAH.

ok, need to sleep to replenish my energy.

some quick replies to my tag box..

Tracy and illi: my tag box is kinda like your conversation box now -.-
feimin: dun be sorry, somethings can't be helped..

YuJun
ps, my midterm got only a 86/100 and the overall is 83.6% ONLY! sad.

100th post!

Yo People!

well, if you are seeing this post,it's my 100th post!!!

well. actually it's nth much lar, so not going to harp at this nonsensical topic.

went to see the movie "The Drummer" today with the usual people at the usual place, AMK hub after practice and lunch.

not gg to tell the whole story out although it is actually quite simple.

"drummer" is kinda like an artistic show, the pace of the movie tells you that and the scenes is another characteristic of the art film kinda thingy. but the pace links to the story, so i consider it ok.

however, while watching the starting of the movie, i think of the word "shallow woman" whenever the female actress's name is being said. basically, she is a sex toy for the men, having good looks, no brains(maybe can't even spell, HAH), afraid of power and not willing to stand up for the love the male lead had for her. oops, she didn't had love for him, which is why, oh well. BIMBO~~

then the love or lust made that guy crazy. then slowly bits and scenes of that female actress lead to one conclusion, leave this kind of woman alone, for she can destroy you.

ok, enough of complaining. oh ya, there's another thing i learnt today.

remember those scenes you see on TV where the roles always tell the one, who drinks to end the sorrows/frustrations, that "drinking will nto solve anything?"

well, i can tell you that's very much true.

after a few+++ cups of Martel corden blue (on the rock), the frustrations is still there within me. and then 40% is getting to be no kick for me le, oh no, what to do, it is getting increasing harder for me to get drunk le.. my my.

at least i know it is kinda hard to get me drunk to do irrational stuff. that's a plus point i think. HAH

okok, got to sleep le..

tmrw K-box got promotion!! sry to ruo han, tony and janice. got to work.. cannot go to K with you guys.. haiz, chalets.

bye bye.

YuJun/ONg LAi

"drumming is not just drumming, it leaves the beats in your heart, becoming your heartbeat."

song post.

YO PPle!!

this post will be on songs!! hope can gather the stuff that i need to do so..

first up,

哲學家 by 范瑋琪



well. you are probably hearing the song right now since i set the code to be auto play(not after i reset the code to be play only when you click). it is kinda new and i am promoting it, very nice. the songs in this album 哲學家 are all very nice, but then this song has a very nice feel to it that makes you wanna dance but then not as noisy like those dance songs.

from movie " music and lyrics" , 'the melody you hear is like when you see a person, his/her appearance, the lyrics is who the person really is.'

so here's the lyrics!! if only we can go online and start knowing people better like a song.

哲学家演唱：范玮琪
专辑：哲学家
作曲：Lisa

如果爱是道北极光
如果我可以睡在沙滩
如果 我变成小孩如果
如果　如果真的那麼难
没有人很了解我吧　我是这麼想
我希望要的生活　谁说了才算

我想我是一个哲学家 可以赞助孤单的家乡
不要人问　不要人猜　不要人一直管
不需要说　不需要听　不需要那麼忙

如果我是一个哲学家
忘了一个心中的名字有多难
看一本书　走一段路　逛一个美术馆
听一首歌　过一条河　喝一碗酸梅汤

在这一秒　扮演一个爱情的自由国王
左想右想　世界原来那麼不一样

於是我看见了海浪
於是我前往一个机场
於是有好几小时慢慢慢慢忘了什麼烦
时间它停止了吗我想想未来
我想我也出一个大约的模样

我想我是一个哲学家可以赞助孤单的家乡
不要人问　不要人猜　不要人一直管
不需要说　不需要听　不需要那麼忙
如果我是一个哲学家忘了一个心中的名字有多难看
一本书　走一段路　逛一个美术馆
听一首歌 过一条河　喝一碗酸梅汤

一个哲学家
一个 一个哲学家

我想我是一个哲学家
可以赞助孤单的家乡
不要人问　不要人猜　不要人一直管
不需要说　不需要听　不需要
那麼忙如果我是一个哲学家
忘了一个心中的名字有多难
看一本书　走一段路　逛一个美术馆
听一首歌　过一条河　喝一碗酸梅汤

不要人问　不要人猜　不要人一直管
不需要说　不需要听　不需要那麼忙

Second Song


王:你是我心内的一首歌
王:心间开启花一朵
s:你是我生命的一首歌
s:想念汇成一条河
王:点在我心内的一首歌
王:不要只是个过客
s:在我生命留下一首歌
s:不论结局会如何


合:好想问你
合:对我到底有没有动心
合:沉默太久
s:只会让我不小心犯错
王:不小心犯错


s:点在我心内的一首歌
s:不要只是个过客
王:在我生命留下一首歌
王:不论结局会如何


合:你是我心内的一首歌
合:心间开启花一朵
合:你是我生命的一首歌
s:想念汇成一条河
王:想念汇成一条河


s:好想问你
王:好想问你
s:对我到底有没有动心
王:对我到底有没有动心
s:沉默太久
王:沉默太久
s:只会让我不小心犯错
王:不小心犯错


合:点在我心内的一首歌
合:不要只是个过客
合:在我生命留下一首歌
合:不论结局会如何

OK, two for today, pls take so time to look at the lyrics if you understand. took me to get the spacing and paragraph correct.

YuJun

Enlye ONg or Enili ONg

Que, dun be cpoycat!!