things are changing (Part2)

after sleeping at 4am and waking up at 1pm, I packed my bag for tonight and finally forced myself to take a seat here to continue to voice out my opinions about Change. The reason why i used the word 'forced' is because i need to go out to do some shopping, to replenish some basic items, but! but it's raining cats and dogs out there. Even the interface of Gmail got affected by the rain and my mails are supposedly wet and the tree i planted beside the mails is tortured by the wind. I don't suppose that many will get what i mean but good work Gmail, the idea is good.

now coming back to my observation to change,

NOTE: pls take some time to read the previous entry if you have not. Else you might get lost while continue reading. Or you will diminish the 4 hour long of blogging efforts I put in to come up with the previous entry, even if I multi-tasked with reading and sending mails and even checking out my facebook account during the 4 hour. yes, just scroll down to read it and scroll up later if you have done so.

Planning to use 10minutes or so to compose the rest of this entry. Not lazy but just that I'm faced with the scarcity of time.

Went to Drum practice yesterday slightly after lunchtime without the lunch. Greeted more prominently by the white mirror walls and black flooring for dance, I was actually hoping I could have saw more of the drummers inside the studio. Basically, poly exams period are here and friends can afford to go for concerts and play computer games, but not turn up for drum practice. Yes, it's the issue of priority again but then i guess i can attribute to the reasoning that Drum for my fellow drumming mates have changed too. It's heartwarming to know that Tony actually misses Ann and myself after we gotten our heads shaved and entered into a total institute, even though i still question how much in relative I'm being missed. NS or not, people will change to the changing environment, but i guess, this group has too much politics that a slight change that caused people to face unfamiliarity has escalated to cause the butterfly effect upon the smallest misunderstandings.

Is this what I, or even what we will like to see?

We all know that personal bias is always present but at the different situations that the degree of accepting the bias is different. In our group, each person is attributed with a differing degree of trust by the so-called supremacy. Then again we know roughly that who gets a higher degree and who gets less but at times we feel disadvantage when we try to do things that we would like to do in order to improve the group. Let's all use all our frustrations to turn the tables (literally) and hope to create a mess of things within our white walls and black floors. What good will that do? Communication patterns in our group has been historically and forcefully made in such a way that sitting down to talk or mass sending of mails does not yield much results. Tell me what other lexis (mode of delivery) can we engage in? the grapevine or symbols? All of us need to talk, talk like we have never talk before! Many attempts have been made for this kind of talks, we know it and experienced it. not surprisingly, the yield is much known too. At this point, I am picturing an image of everyone one day getting so vented up (while still continuing to engage in the conversation) that we get on our individual feet to pull some punches or open our mouths to spew some form of low-level of verbal abuse. Well, at least the energy will be there.

Up to this point, I would like to highlight that there is no absolute solution to what we have gotten ourselves into but more than nothing I would like to see change, improvements.

Having heard from the different point of views, no matter how pure or distorted the messaged i received, I see a common goal but not the same means of achieving it. We want a higher artistic value in our form of Art, but each parties insisting on using their methods to do it and with a different purpose behind the common goal. Suggesting that the parties open up and share their methods openly is nearly impossible to achieve because we are not even sure on how and what we are going to do in order to get to what we want. We might or might not have our plans, but at the end of the day, (quoting from some movie) what will happen is that the plan is not going to stick to plan.

When you have gotten sick of being either of the 4 characters of Change, then you turn yourself into the leader of the 4, become the Agent of Change. Affect the change, not be affected by it.

But let our group survive in these times of bad economy and bad situations with the strongest bonds we formed all these years going through shit and puberty.

Coming past the 40minutes mark, need to head down somewhere to buy my underwear and get dinner.

till next book out.

YuJun

things are changing (Part1)

starting with the title, my mood now is kind of dead and pretty much demoralised with things happening. or changing.

As according to the ancient folklore deeply engraved on the rock-like surface of my brain matter since Intro to Marketing class, it goes like "the only Unchange is Change." Coming to the topic of Change, some people embrace it, some try to reject it, while others deny it and try to ignore it.

In different situations, we all fall into one of, or both of, or seldom all of, the 3 different Change characters; Embracers, Resisters and Aloofs. Embracers take ups what change that comes in their way, adapts fast to it and live life with change. It's not easy but they put it off still. Resisters, as the name suggest do not like change for the fear that change will weaken them or allow them to face unfamiliarity. Aloofs people tries very hard to not pay attention to the changes around them. What is complicated about the Aloofs is that they can be aloof in the Embracers way or the opposite; living the the changes but making minimal efforts to change themselves and Resisters direction is to pay minimal attention to the change and pretend that nothing has change. So all in all, there's 4 different kinds of Change characters.

After the lengthy portion about Change and Change characters, now is the main dish of this entry, also the main motivation for me to sit hours before my laptop in the middle of the night, so as to get some undisturbed blogging time.

Went to a bar at Clark Quay yesterday with PTP buddies. The time spent there did not live up to expectations. The bar was kinda small, something we didn't expect and we made reservations for ten people and those who bothered to show face numbered off to five in the bar. So the first drink came, followed by the finger food and concluded by a second drink. We waited for others to turn up with the concurrent activity of consuming the food and drinks took roughly 2 hours. The wait was boring but what made the evening a real irritant is that we had smokers who popped out to the 'fresh air' outside to take a puff, snoozing their nicotine alarm (you can almost hear the 'ni-coo-tine~','ni-coo-tine~' sound). This broke the small group into smaller groups that did not appreciate the small small group interaction. With agreement, those who was left to freeze to dead with boredom inside the bar settled the bill and headed out to the 'fresh air' area to settle the cash payment to me. Busy with calculations, I thought I would be able to skip or at least selectively block out the disgusting images of my PTP buddies smoking.

Those who have long ago declared themselves to be smokers, although still much disgusted, fared much better when I saw them smoked. What terrified me was Dennis smoking. Didn't knew about his past as a smoker and when he snubbed the cigarette butt that some other guy has passed to him, i unconsciously turned my head back and took a snapshot of the filthy poisonous gas gusting out of his nostrils. I can still see it in my mind. I am promised of this image whenever I see his face and the word 'Dennis'. Yes, personally I feel that I am very much aware of my over-reaction to people smoking but I can't help but to widen my scope to observe the other smokers around. The other bar just beside, the Irish pub just opposite the narrow two lane street, the group standing just outside 7-11 and many many others, suddenly the presence of smokers became so prominent to me that at the back of my brain, I ransacked sociological ideas, marketing explanations and bio psychological and psychological reasoning to reassure myself that what is happening is not a result of them wanting to harm their body but under many many other factors. But I failed. and the normal chants came out of my thought. Let's just hope the drug or drugs (considering how many types of different chemicals there is inside just one stick of cigarettes) carefully packed into the boxes will kill their consumers.

People I mix with are changing. Suddenly, last night i found myself in the company of loads of smokers. Mental note to self to not go drinking with smokers again. or maybe not go to bars and pubs. I shall be a Resister in this scenario, I want to stay true to myself.

Now think, if you were me,
in a situation similar to mine,
in a situation different from mine,
in a situation closely similar to mine,
in a situation vastly different from mine,
what character will you become?

Will you change (or not change) for the better?

--to be continued, this post is taking up most of my sleep time, shall continue tomorrow, part 2:Drum Changes--