saw a couple holding hands today at interchange..

ask abt my love life...

suddenly got flashbacks.

i saw myself on the stage taking photos when i saw her walked out of the glass doors in her dress,passing the others talking abt the old times we all went thru the past 4 years..

she was gg to meet her bf..

my heart was totally smashed into a million bits..

4 months have past..

i still remember the pain i experienced when i told her to be happy with him.. i hated the name.. his name..i still do..

it was when i think i really know love.. it is when the pain made me collasped into thinking that i was a fool to devote all of myself to make you happy.. but i did not regret being that fool..the collaspe was a fruitful one.. time is not so kind to let you go back in the past so as to let you know wat love is..

i had try hard to forget abt you and didn't even dare to face you more than 5 times for the past nearly 4 months..

but i have to thank time, cause time will heal all wounds, and i moved on with some of my deepest scars left untreated, frozen in time..

i wanna leave it that way, to remind of myself wat i did for my first love that did not even blossom into a flower.. not to mention a fruit..

but today i moved on.. i have started noticing other gals,thinking if there is a possibility for the future? it was something i didn't do when i was blinded by her presence in the past.. this unfamiliar action, is this labelled as an action of a flirt? i dunno if it is right to be like this.. but i still continue to do it.. i dunno.. my first came too fast that i missed out the search part..

am i like desperate for love? have i really give up on my first? i can't answer these two question myself.. who can answer me? WHO? i feel guilty, to her and the her-s in the future.. will i treat the future her-s as a subsitute for her? will i regret if i discontinue this wait for her? i told her i moved on.. wat if i was lying to her without knowing it myself? WILL IT BE FAIR? to her? to her-s? to me? i really dunno..

really dunno..

dunno..

no..

shattered by questions and binded by hopes...