feeling kind of emo these few days..

maybe it is the stress of the art fest perfromance..

i am not the first of the stress chain..

but then i sort of am forced/stressed by the most..

'ong lai, you got it or not'

'ong lai, you stupid leh!'

"ong lai, move the drums."

"ong lai, ni hen lan leh"

"ong LAI, ni tqa se me da pian?"

i am a kind of person who is most affected by words normally.. then if your words are abusive, i will slowly wind up and start to feel uncomfortable and maybe one day, i wil snap and start unleashing the potential energy that i bulit up as a result of enduring shity stress..

but for the sake of friendship and perfrmance, i will avoid my screws to be loose..

i had enough of pple treating me like a vessel that they shout into when they are not feeling good.. i am a tool, regardless if i am just a lorry that moves drum or just some graphic machine that draws out what you need to see.. i feel totally like a robot when in drum nowadays... only can listen to instructions and no voice if my own.. wat i have to do , is wat i am instructed to do.. or wat you expects me to do... wat abt my own thoughtss?

dennis can say this and that, tony you won't scold, treats zi ming like a landmine, not stepping onto such and such..

wat abt me! fuc kthis unfair world..

cause i wanted to please everyone, i end up being bullied.. this is beyond disipline.. this involves basic humans respect.. i was too kind to all of you.. therefore i was mistreated.. who wil halp me nowadays?

drink out of my stuff, expecting me to move the drums into formation alone.. when i needed help, who ever helped?

fuck fuck fuck!

i dunno if i should stay in ZingO le..

i feel miserable very time i am in contact with him....

i gave in a lot, my time with friends in school, my attention in classes, gave up her..

wat do i get?!

MORE EXPECTATIONS TO WORK LIKE A COW..

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO WORK ATTITUDE FROM OTHERS..

i am so pissed, i am afraid i will do thing tat am eventually forced to do.. like my old phone..

crushed in my hands as i was angry..

this time, i wish i can crush your bones or neck!

yet there is this side of me that wants peace within and try to resolve things in another way.. communication communication... why does he have a fuck-up ears that canot hear words other than 'oh, you look so good',' oh your FGS is good'...

i need to stop blogging le.. else my keyboard might be crushed..

i will try to tell chun ann how i feel and hope everyone else can cooperate and let me finish..

let me have the strength to do it..

pls.