helpless

won't it be great if we can choose when we want ot live in? as in travelling thu time to go back or forth to live your life again or like never before?

if i can do that, i will go back to secondary 2 and repeat that time period again and again. despite the fact that i was an much hatred figure in sec school back then, i still managed to find much fun practicing drums.

life was pretty much simple then. there's no ZingO to worry about, dun have to put in alot of efforts to try to make a change in ZingO but still achieve no results, no essays to write, no ass kissing, no calculus,etc, etc.

life now is stressful. according to the physician Hans Selye, stressed is the nonspecific response of the body to any demand made upon it. (yes, i am being technical, but this is my blog isn't it?)

then i asked my self, am i really stressed with demands?

of course i am!
Demanded by the school to give efforts to do work and study for the exams.
Demanded by the instructors to finish tonnes of work that seem to be due all together.
Demanded by ZingO to trigger improvements, which just seem to be ever so hard to do so.
Demanded by ZingO people to be able to handle internal relations well.
Demanded by my family to be the good boy at home, to do the chores, accompany my grandma, to help out at the shop in the weekends and holidays, to come home early and to be successful.
Demanded by dynamics between logic and desire and constantly telling myself that my life is too preoccupied to be taking care and thinking of another person for ages.
Demanded by the list of demands that just seem to be never ending.

i understand that relations are just like clouds; they form upon fate, and they will have to disperse or cause rain one day or another but why does it seem so hard to keep ourselves light without the burden of unnecessary involvements?

why must we humans always think that we are capable to the extend that we lose control like creating a dam that one day will drown us off?

from Jake, the walking reminder that i have to face NS in my course of studies, "when we get closer to light, the stronger we get to the shadows."

dunno why, Tanya Chua's songs seem to hit me in the heart deeply.

and the theme music for the movie ' lust' broadcasting from YES933 right now.

time flies and amidst time, how do we actually make this time worth living for? worth to remember? through arguments or stagnantation or even recidivism?

then i ask, so you want to improve or recidivate? tell me truthfully or else keep your mouth to yourself.

one observation i made is that people who are the only child in the family, tend to be more selfish and throw tantrums as there were brought up, "king of the family". no wonder we switch to governments rather than kingships.

knowing these little things about people really helps,as in you can predict the responses from people and understanding the rational behind that behaviour which sometimes can rack the brains out, especially to self.

told belson earlier that i just felt lost after reading a mail reply to a lot of people, actually, i felt helpless. to share with you, i fear of being helpless to things happening arond me, helpless as time tick seconds by seconds away and our life and essence in living might be wasted.

i want ZingO members to be with ZingO. i dun want to lose another comrade to others. pls make sure you come back, if you are lost, find your way back.

ONg LAi

helpless to the change in hearts.