things are changing (Part2)

after sleeping at 4am and waking up at 1pm, I packed my bag for tonight and finally forced myself to take a seat here to continue to voice out my opinions about Change. The reason why i used the word 'forced' is because i need to go out to do some shopping, to replenish some basic items, but! but it's raining cats and dogs out there. Even the interface of Gmail got affected by the rain and my mails are supposedly wet and the tree i planted beside the mails is tortured by the wind. I don't suppose that many will get what i mean but good work Gmail, the idea is good.

now coming back to my observation to change,

NOTE: pls take some time to read the previous entry if you have not. Else you might get lost while continue reading. Or you will diminish the 4 hour long of blogging efforts I put in to come up with the previous entry, even if I multi-tasked with reading and sending mails and even checking out my facebook account during the 4 hour. yes, just scroll down to read it and scroll up later if you have done so.

Planning to use 10minutes or so to compose the rest of this entry. Not lazy but just that I'm faced with the scarcity of time.

Went to Drum practice yesterday slightly after lunchtime without the lunch. Greeted more prominently by the white mirror walls and black flooring for dance, I was actually hoping I could have saw more of the drummers inside the studio. Basically, poly exams period are here and friends can afford to go for concerts and play computer games, but not turn up for drum practice. Yes, it's the issue of priority again but then i guess i can attribute to the reasoning that Drum for my fellow drumming mates have changed too. It's heartwarming to know that Tony actually misses Ann and myself after we gotten our heads shaved and entered into a total institute, even though i still question how much in relative I'm being missed. NS or not, people will change to the changing environment, but i guess, this group has too much politics that a slight change that caused people to face unfamiliarity has escalated to cause the butterfly effect upon the smallest misunderstandings.

Is this what I, or even what we will like to see?

We all know that personal bias is always present but at the different situations that the degree of accepting the bias is different. In our group, each person is attributed with a differing degree of trust by the so-called supremacy. Then again we know roughly that who gets a higher degree and who gets less but at times we feel disadvantage when we try to do things that we would like to do in order to improve the group. Let's all use all our frustrations to turn the tables (literally) and hope to create a mess of things within our white walls and black floors. What good will that do? Communication patterns in our group has been historically and forcefully made in such a way that sitting down to talk or mass sending of mails does not yield much results. Tell me what other lexis (mode of delivery) can we engage in? the grapevine or symbols? All of us need to talk, talk like we have never talk before! Many attempts have been made for this kind of talks, we know it and experienced it. not surprisingly, the yield is much known too. At this point, I am picturing an image of everyone one day getting so vented up (while still continuing to engage in the conversation) that we get on our individual feet to pull some punches or open our mouths to spew some form of low-level of verbal abuse. Well, at least the energy will be there.

Up to this point, I would like to highlight that there is no absolute solution to what we have gotten ourselves into but more than nothing I would like to see change, improvements.

Having heard from the different point of views, no matter how pure or distorted the messaged i received, I see a common goal but not the same means of achieving it. We want a higher artistic value in our form of Art, but each parties insisting on using their methods to do it and with a different purpose behind the common goal. Suggesting that the parties open up and share their methods openly is nearly impossible to achieve because we are not even sure on how and what we are going to do in order to get to what we want. We might or might not have our plans, but at the end of the day, (quoting from some movie) what will happen is that the plan is not going to stick to plan.

When you have gotten sick of being either of the 4 characters of Change, then you turn yourself into the leader of the 4, become the Agent of Change. Affect the change, not be affected by it.

But let our group survive in these times of bad economy and bad situations with the strongest bonds we formed all these years going through shit and puberty.

Coming past the 40minutes mark, need to head down somewhere to buy my underwear and get dinner.

till next book out.

YuJun