a disturbing feeling.

using my camp's Internet access to blog this right now.

perhaps being affected by being prepared to do a static line jump today and the jump being cancelled, i am feeling much disturbed by a separate incident.

yesterday, i realised that my presence to stay connected to the group is not really invited. I am serving my nation right now, hence i in the status of not being able to perform. but i still tried to go back to practice and go watch the performances. hmmm, after seeing what they do, i will give my comments. i know the comments are repeating itself and people get bored listening to them. however, looking at another angle, I not so interested into the repetitive nature of the comments but to remind all my fellow friends their mistakes they did, hoping they change for the better. xjw did not seems as outstanding during riverfest as compared to artfest09', small Edwin became more conscious of his stage actions, now tell me, is it my comments useless or is it that some people just won't hear what i say and improve themselves?

according to hearsay, my then dear 'manager' of the group has been in disapproval of my actions of watching the practices and performances giving comments. if he think that this form of feedback is not effective, i shall grant his wish.

have i turned into a obedient genie and fulfilling wishes of others? no, cause it is so much tougher to pay attention to the group than to just ignore. although i have a boring life, but book out time is precious still. ok i'll find other avenues to spend my time, far far away from my usual routine which, i can very much say, religiously followed for the past, hmmm, 2 years? even for the most boring and tedious practices, i still turned up. things change after you get enlisted. i am starting to think that my usage value is diminished and hence pushed off the stage. may that be for good.

agitated as well as upset,
YuJun